[翻譯] 多元文化科技業每天發生的種族歧視問題

The ugly everyday racism inside tech’s diversity problem
[翻譯] 多元文化科技業每天發生的種族歧視問題

ErikaJoy
Nov 7, 2014, 9:30am CT

縮網址:http://wp.me/p16AXN-yd
原文網址:http://www.dailydot.com/opinion/black-woman-tech-industry/
http://bit.ly/14ZKxa7
作者FB:https://www.facebook.com/EricaJoy

The prevailing narrative surrounding minorities in tech relates to how beneficial employing minorities can be for a company and/or how detrimental the lack of diverse perspectives can be. I’ve searched for studies been done on the psychological effects of being a minority in a mostly homogeneous workplace for an extended period of time and have been disappointed to find that only recently have researchers taken an interest in the subject.
針對科技相關產業周遭的少數民族議題普遍的描述都是雇用少數民族的好處,或是缺乏多重觀點造成危害。我想要搜尋一些研究,主題是關於身為少數民族在典型科技工作場域一段時間後的心理問題。結果很令我失望,只有最近才有研究員針對這個議題做研究。

Here I’ll try to highlight how it has affected me, as I grew from a young black lady to a black woman in the predominantly white male tech industry.
我將試著提出以菲裔女性成長的觀點,關於在這一個白人男性占優勢的科技產業對我的影響。

Past
過去的狀況

I began my career in tech at the age of 21, as a Windows System Administrator for the University of Alaska. I was the only woman on my team and one of a few women in my organization. I was the only black woman, and the only black person at all, on the entire floor. I immediately did not fit in, because I didn’t look the part. My co-workers walked on eggshells in my presence, so I did my best to make them feel comfortable around me so that I would be included. I laughed at their terribly racist and sexist jokes, I co-opted their negative attitudes, I began to dress as they did, and I brushed it off when they made passes at me. I did everything I could to make them feel like I was one of them, even though I clearly was not.
我在二十一歲時作為阿拉斯加大學的視窗系統管理員,開始在科技產業工作。我是我的團隊內唯一的女性,同時組織內的女性也為數不多。我是該樓層唯一的菲裔。我立即顯得很突兀。我在場的時候,我的同僚都很小心說話,所以我也盡力融入不帶給他們困擾。我對那些糟糕的種族及性別歧視笑話都會大笑,事實上我助長了它們的這種負面態度。我開始穿得像他們一樣,當他們試著虧我的時候,我盡量忽略。我盡可能讓他們覺得我是其中一員。

It worked. I was included. I began getting invited to team lunches. They let me in on the jokes they made about our only other teammate who refused to assimilate and was ultimately ostracized for it. They shared their life experiences with me. I was “one of the guys.”
這樣做有效,我打進他們的圈圈,我開始被邀請加入他們的午餐,我也能加入他們對另一位拒絕同化的同僚的嘲笑。他們分享給我他們的人生經驗,我變成他們的一員。

When I left that job and hightailed it across the country to Atlanta, I landed in one of the most diverse workplaces I’ve experienced to this day: The Home Depot Corporate Headquarters (Store Support Center). THD had diversity nailed. I suspect THD’s diverse environment had something to do with being in Atlanta, a city that is 54 percent African-American. It’s hard not to be diverse when the local demographics force you to be.
當我離開那份工作,舉家搬到遙遠的亞特蘭大。我在一間多元文化的公司:The Home Depot Corporate Headquarters(家得寶總部的商店服務中心)THD的成員真的很多元,我想他們在亞特蘭大必定認真經營,這個城市有百分之五十四的非裔美國人。當地的人口組成是這樣的時候,很難不變成這樣。

Whatever the cause, in my first role at THD, in Network Operations, I was one of two black women and one of six black people on a team of about 20. When I transferred to my second team there, Desktop Support, diversity lightning struck: I was a black woman reporting to another black woman in a technical role. Moreover, our team was predominantly Black. I could relate to my teammates without having to conform. I didn’t have to be anything different than who I was and I flourished there. I was mostly happy at work, happy with life, happy in general. Ultimately though, the other stresses of working at THD (pay inequity, lack of mobility options) led me to seek work at other companies.
不論如何,我在 THD 的第一份工作,是網路操作員,我是兩位菲裔女性中的其中之一,二十人團隊中有六個菲裔。當我轉調到第二個團隊:桌面平台支援部時,多元的讓我驚訝,我直屬也是一個菲裔女性。更進一步的是,我的團隊都是菲裔。我不用刻意偽裝就能與團隊好好相處。

After The Home Depot, I took a position at a lottery/parimutuel company. I returned to being the only black woman, but the team there wasn’t very close knit, so everybody did their own thing, did their job, and went home.
在 THD 之後,我加入了一間樂透賭馬公司,再度變成整間公司只有我一個菲裔女性,可惜這次的團隊互相並不是很融洽。所以每個人都專注在自己的工作,然後回家。

In 2006, I took an IT Field Technician job at Google in the Atlanta office. While there were black women in the office there (in sales), I was the only one on my direct team of two. Things between my teammate and I were strained, to say the least. It felt like he had some ideas about me that were based on really terrible stereotypes and wasn’t shy about sharing them. This was the only time I’ve ever experienced overt harassment from a coworker. He’d say things like: “Did you get that bruise from your boyfriend beating you?” or “I bet your parents abused you as a child.” The comments weren’t always that blatant or overt, but they were constant and consistent.
2006年,我在 Google 亞特蘭大辦公室作 IT 領域的技術員,作為兩人辦公室的菲裔女性,我感覺來自於我室友的不友善,可用冷淡來形容。我感覺到他帶有一個刻板印象,而且沒有意識地不斷顯示出來。這是我第一次感覺到從同事來的騷擾。他會這樣說:"當你的男朋友打你的時候你會留下瘀傷嗎?","我打賭你父母一定常常體罰你"。聽起來並非總是喧鬧或公開,但卻常常發生。

Over time, we ended up hiring three more white guys for our team. I was the odd gender and race out, once again. I participated in the various team building activities with the local and larger team to fit in; I began playing first person shooters (not unlike the episode of The Office where Jim learns how to play Call of Duty), I went to paintball off sites (despite the fact that I have nightmares about being shot), and the like. I ignored the false assumptions that I was a single mother. I came to work when I was extremely sick to prove that I was a team player, that I belonged.
一段時間之後,我們再次雇用三名白人男性,我再一次變成不只是在種族還在性別上的少數。我嘗試不同的團隊團康活動,包含跟本地團隊或大團隊一起。我還試著跟他們一起玩第一人稱射擊遊戲(沒錯就跟辦公室風雲裡面玩使命招換一樣),我去打漆彈(儘管我晚上都會做被射到的惡夢),等等。我忽略他們暗示我是單親媽媽的事實。即便我生重病,我都來工作,因為我想證明我是團隊一員。

The negative micro-aggressions from my first co-worker continued and I said nothing until I reached my breaking point. He not so subtly hinted that my connecting with the few other black techs in other offices (who happened to be male) was anything other than professional. That was my last straw. I tried to talk to a female teammate in a different office about the situation. She’d been there longer and was something of a leader. She didn’t want to get involved. I went to my manager about the problems, told him that I planned to speak with HR. It was decided that the best way to deal with the “tension” between that co-worker and I was for me to transfer to New York, despite my not wanting to move there.
第一個同事的負面微騷擾沒有停止,直到他巧妙的暗示我與其他辦公室的菲裔男工程師之間的關係不只於專業讓我無法再忍受。這件事最後一根稻草,我試著把這情況對不同辦公室的一位女性資深主管訴苦,她卻沒有介入,我找我的直屬主管,告訴他我計畫告知人資這件事。最後決定處理這個緊張關係的最佳方案就是我調職到紐約,儘管我並不想搬到那裏。

I don’t believe my manager ever engaged HR about the problems and neither did I. I didn’t want to make waves and isolate myself further from the team. I didn’t want to be that stereotype, the black woman with a chip on her shoulder. I didn’t want to make the rest of my team uncomfortable.
我不相信我的主管有把這個問題轉達給人資,我最後也沒做。我並不想製造問題,同時也導致我自己在團隊內的孤立。我不想當那種刻板印象:菲裔女性總是認為自己是對的。我不想讓團隊其他人不舒服。

In 2007, I left the city where I felt less like an outsider than anywhere I’d lived previously, left my friends, left my love interest, left my life, and started over in a new city.
2007年我離開這座讓我不覺得我是外人的城市,離開我的朋友,離開我的興趣,離開我的人生,到新城市開始一個人生。

On the team in New York, I was once again the only black woman. I did what I thought I had to do to survive in the environment. I once again donned the uniform to fit in: jeans, “unisex” t-shirt, Timbuk2 messenger bag. I stayed late playing multiplayer Battlefield. I quickly learned a bunch of classic rock songs so I could play Rock Band and Guitar Hero with the team. I don’t like beer so I went out to beer taverns and drank water. I remember asking if we could do other outings that didn’t include beer and getting voted down.
在紐約團隊的時候,我再一次是唯一的菲裔女性。我盡全力在這個環境生存。再一次我偽裝自己融入環境:牛仔褲,中性的T-Shirt,Timbuk2牌的背包。我晚上加班一起玩戰地風雲。我也學會跟團隊一起玩搖滾樂團跟吉他英雄。我不喜歡喝啤酒,所以我摻水。我還記得我曾問過能否舉辦沒有啤酒的員工旅行。

I continued to lose myself for the sake of being included amongst my co-workers. We worked a lot then, so my team became my social life and I never hung out with many others. When I left New York to move to Mountain View, I didn’t abandon my life in the way that I did when I left Atlanta. I just put down the life I’d picked up from others.
因為我想要融入團隊導致我持續迷失。因為我們工時很長,導致我的團隊社交變成我的生活,但我從未跟其他人建立朋友關係。當我離開紐約到加州山景城我回復我在亞特蘭大時的生活方式。我在紐約只是過著另一種身分。

I arrived in the Bay Area in August of 2008. Being in Silicon Valley has been simultaneously great for my career but bad for me as a person. I’ve been able to work on multiple different teams and really interesting projects. Unfortunately, my workplace is homogenous and so are my surroundings. I feel different everywhere. I go to work and I stick out like a sore thumb. I have been mistaken for an administrative assistant more than once. I have been asked if I was physical security (despite security wearing very distinctive uniforms). I’ve gotten passed over for roles I know I could not only perform in, but that I could excel in.
我在2008年八月底達灣區,進入矽谷對我的職涯加分,但卻損耗我的靈魂。我與不同的團隊及有趣的案子合作,不幸地,我的工作環境及同僚就是典型的科技產業。我在每個地方都感覺到格格不入。我工作時就像傷口一樣,到哪都有摩擦。我曾經被問過是否有整形過(儘管安全人員自己卻穿著非常特立獨行的制服)。我也曾經發現我的履歷會直接被忽略,即便我的能力符合標準。

Most recently, one such role was hired out to a contractor who needed to learn the language the project was in (which happened to be my strongest language). I spent some time and energy trying to figure out why that happened, if it was to do with unconscious bias or if it was an honest mistake.
最近發生的是,其中一個職位是一個外包經理,但合約中標示必須學習團隊內用的語言,恰巧我當然會英文。我花了很多時間及力量試著找到為什麼如此,到底是偏見,還是不小心展現的真相。
https://library.gv.com/unconscious-bias-at-work-22e698e9b2d#.g5fe0rfd9

Outside of work, I’ve lived several places in the Bay Area, like San Jose, Sunnyvale, Santa Clara, and San Bruno, all places I didn’t feel like I didn’t belong. I walked around and saw scant few other black women. There was nowhere I felt like I could fit in. I spent many nights at home alone, just to avoid feeling different. The worst thing is that it didn’t have to be this way.
在工作之餘,我在灣區的不同地方都住過,像San Jose,Sunnyvale,Santa Clara,San Bruno。這些地方我都覺得我都住得起。但到處都看不到菲裔女性,每個地方我都不能融入。晚上我都獨自在家,避免異樣眼光。最糟糕的是我認為不應該是這樣。

Present
現在的情況

en·cul·tu·ra·tion
/en?k?lCH??r?SH?n/
noun
noun: inculturation; noun: enculturation
the gradual acquisition of the characteristics and norms of a culture or group by a person, another culture, etc.
社會化,一個人逐漸吸收周遭團隊或文化的特性。

I recently dated a guy who happened to live in Oakland and had severe reservations about going to visit him. In fact, before we began dating, I never visited the East Bay unless I absolutely had to, and always went in the daytime. I always worried that I’d be the victim of some crime. Despite the fact that I grew up spending summers next door to some of the “worst” areas of Richmond, Virginia, despite the only real friend I had in the Bay Area living there, I was scared to go to the East Bay. Many people were telling me in no uncertain terms that the East Bay was Very Bad. Crime happens there. It’s not for us. Definitely don’t live there.
最近我跟一個住在 Oakland 的人在約會,去過他那邊好幾次。事實上,在我們開始約會前,除非必要我從未到 East Bay ,而且只有在白天去。我那時擔心治安的問題。儘管我其實在 Richmond 的貧民區像 Virginia 都能活得很好,儘管我唯一的朋友住在灣區住那裏。我以往很害怕到 East Bay。因為很多沒住在那裏的人都暗示那裏很糟糕,我不該前往。

The result was that I avoided the one place in the Bay Area I could go and feel not so different. It never dawned on me that the people who were telling me not to go there were the people who might go there and feel uncomfortable. It never dawned on me that I’d let other people’s experiences and cultural upbringing completely negate my own. It never dawned on me that I really wasn’t in the set of us.
結果卻是我忽視了灣區中一個我會覺得自在的地方。我那時沒了解到,那些說這個地方很糟糕的人是因為他們常去卻覺得在那裏很不舒服。我沒早點理解到的是我受到其他人的經驗及文化影響了我對事物的看法。我沒早點理解到我其實跟他們不一樣。

When I finally started to visit Oakland regularly, after some initial skittishness, I fell in love with it. I couldn’t really put my finger on why until my relationship ended and I went to therapy figure some things out. I realized that I’ve been searching for a community for the last 13 years and have been trying and failing to find that sense of community at work. When I visited Oakland, went to First Friday, walked Lake Merritt, talked to the people at the corner store, that sense of community found me. I felt like I was home.
當我定期去 Oakland 之後,除了一開始有點膽怯之外,我開始愛上它。直到我分手去看心理諮商之後我才知道為什麼。我了解我這十三年都在找一個社群,而這個社群在我的工作場域並不存在。當我第一次在 Oakland 度過週五的時候,我走在 Merritt 湖邊,對商店的店員談話,那就是我要的社群。我找到了一個家。

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I felt that sense of belonging in a place that wasn’t so homogeneous. Some part of me felt free to relax and breathe. It was ok to be me, there was nobody I had to make comfortable with my existence.
我不認為我的感覺是一個巧合,那確實源自於這個地方的人就是這麼的多元。這部分讓我覺得放鬆與自然。讓我可以做我自己,我不用假扮別人。

Being in therapy has forced me to process my emotions, to understand what is going on in the background cycles of my mind. This has helped to identify exactly what effect being a black woman in tech, being the outlier for 13 years, has had on me. For those who like bullet points, I’ll provide those here:
諮商的過程讓我整理我的情感,了解我內心背景的反覆運作。幫助我分辨出身為一個科技業的菲裔女性,十三年作為一個外人,對我的影響。我整理如下:

# I feel alone every day I come to work, despite being surrounded by people, which results in feelings of isolation.
我每天工作時都覺得孤單,儘管身旁都有同事,卻讓我覺得很疏離。

# I feel like I stick out like sore thumb every day.
我覺得像傷口一樣,只要跟人接觸就痛苦。

# I am constantly making micro-evaluations about whether or not my actions will be attributed to my being “different.”
我持續一直在思考我的行為該怎麼樣對團體不會格格不入。

# I feel like my presence makes others uncomfortable so I try to make them feel comfortable.
我覺得我的存在讓其他人不舒服,因此我試圖取悅他人。

# I feel like there isn’t anyone who can identify with my story, so I don’t tell it.
我感覺沒人了解我的故事,我也不曾透露。

# I feel like I have to walk a tightrope to avoid reinforcing stereotypes while still being heard.
我覺得我是走在鋼索上,躲避表現出別人認定的刻版印象。

# I have to navigate the expectation of stereotypical behavior and disappointment when it doesn’t happen (e.g. my not being the “sassy black woman”).
我必須盡快找出別人預期刻板印象或不喜歡之處(然後避免),即便別人沒這樣表示(例如不要當一個白目的黑女人)

# I frequently wonder how my race and gender are coloring perceptions of me.
我常常想知道我的種族及性別代表我的程度有多少。

# I wonder if and when I’ve encountered racists (the numbers say it’s almost guaranteed that I have) and whether or not they’ve had an effect on my career.
我會想知道我面對的人是否是一個種族歧視者,而且是否會影響我的工作。

# I feel a constant low level of stress every day, just by virtue of existing in my environment.
每天我感覺有持續從環境來的壓力。

# I feel like I’ve lost my entire cultural identity in effort to be part of the culture I’ve spent the majority of the last decade in.
當我過去十年在模仿主流文化時,我覺得沒有文化的歸屬感。

The stress and isolation I mentioned have really taken their toll on me. Long-term stress is known to cause health issues. Not long after I started working in New York, I developed heart problems (PVCs). About three years ago, I started to get acne, something I’ve never had in my life. I always thought it was hormonal but now recognize that it happens when I’m stressed. The isolation and resultant loneliness have exacerbated the stress, leaving me in constant fight or flight mode. Running hasn’t been an option, so I would argue with people for no reason at all, because the long term stress made every interaction a fight. The stress also caused some level of depression, which I wasn’t really aware of until recently.
我提到的這些壓力及疏離感,持續損耗我。長期的壓力導致我的健康問題。在我到紐約後不久就開始發生,我有心臟的問題。三年前,我開始長粉刺,在那之前我從未有過。我以為是賀爾蒙的變化,現在我知道是來自於壓力。疏離的孤寂感惡化了壓力,讓我長時間處於戰鬥或飛行狀態。
我會無來由的跟別人爭執,這是因為長時間的壓力導致每次的互動都變成鬥爭。
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-physical-effects-of-long-term-stress/
http://www.livescience.com/18800-loneliness-health-problems.html

I’m working on fixing this, for the sake of my mental and physical health. Ideally I’d like to work in a less homogenous environment where I don’t feel so different. Instead, I’m focusing on modifying my life outside of work and and reducing the time I spend at work. I’m moving to the East Bay as soon as my lease is up, so that I have a respite from the homogeneity and I can have a chance to relax. I’m signing up for every MeetUp that is relevant to me that involves other black women. I’m volunteering with organizations that will help the younger generation get involved in tech, so we can change the ratio (Black Girls Code, Hack The Hood) and those who come after me won’t have to feel how I’ve felt.
為了要回復我身心的健康,我現在正處理這些問題。理想中我應該想辦法不要在一個典型的單一文化環境工作,避免讓我覺得如此不同。相反地,我專注在修改我的工作之外的人生,降低我工作的時間。我會盡快搬到 East Bay,這樣我的工作情況就可以得到緩解,有機會能夠放鬆。我報名了跟我及菲裔女性相關的網路社群,自願幫忙協助年輕一代融入科技產業。改變這個種族的比例。(如 Black Girls Code,Hack The Hood)讓我的晚輩可以不需要體會到我的經歷。
http://www.blackgirlscode.com/
http://www.hackthehood.org/

And I’ve stopped trying to assimilate at work. I’m no longer trying to make people comfortable with my existence. I am trying to connect with other black women in technical roles. I’m standing up for what I believe in and standing up for myself, instead of sitting quietly by, so as not to not make waves.
我已經停止嘗試融入工作,我不需要改變自己的存在,而取悅他人。我試著連繫其他在科技產業工作的菲裔女性。我希望能靠我的信仰及我的存在來生活,而不是安靜的坐在一旁,只是等待改變。
https://www.facebook.com/groups/249978611848808/

Most importantly I am working on re-establishing my authentic self. This process is scary and difficult and will take some time and work. I have to search through myself and figure out what characteristics I’ve dropped in order to fit in. I have to sift through my personality and pick out the bits that aren’t really me. I have to understand who I am without the detritus of the habits and behaviors I’ve picked up while trying to assimilate.
最重要的是,我正在重新建立我的真我。過程很驚人,也很困難,需要長時間。我必須找尋我自己,找到我遺忘的那些特質。篩選掉那些不屬於我自己的特性。要去了解並除去那些因為要融入環境所對我自己造成的改變與習慣。

I know this: I am not my job. I am not my industry or its stereotypes. I am a black woman who happens to work in the tech industry. I don’t need to change to fit within my industry. My industry needs to change to make everyone feel included and accepted.
我已經知道:工作並非我的全部,產業或刻版印象並非我的全部。我是一個在科技產業工作的菲裔女性,我不需要改變自己適應這個產業。我的產業才需要改變讓每個人能夠接受。

This piece originally appeared on Medium and has been reprinted with permission.
本文原本是發表在Medium上:https://medium.com/this-is-hard/the-other-side-of-diversity-1bb3de2f053e#.9qmpwl7aq

Photo via Kris Krug/Flickr (CC BY-SA 2.0) (Note: The woman pictured is not the author.)
注意照片並非作者本人

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